Sunday, April 24, 2005

Happy Pesach

I've got a bit of a matzo tummy at the moment. I feel a bit heartburny. I had lots of matzo last night between the end of the service and supper. I dipped it in Charoset...

(Recipe for Nana's Charoset

1 cup of walnuts
1 granny smith green apple
2 tsp. cinnamon
2 tsp. sugar
red wine to moisten

Chop the nuts and apples to the consistency you want (a food processor can be used). Sprinkle with spices, and moisten with wine. The texture of the charoset should remind us of the mortar used by the slaves to build.

Keeps three days in refrigerator - stolen from a website but if you put charoset into google and link to the second link - maybe I should relent on rule 3 and allow links to sites that have adverts, but don't actually sell stuff themselves - this is a good time to debate this - what would Rabbi Akiva do?)

... a lot and ate too much of that before supper started. Then I had matzo balls in my soup. Then, this morning, I had loads of matzo brei - a crazy amount. I resolved to pack in the matzo whilst walking around the park.

Then I got home and had some matzo with butter and marmite, then some more matzo with butter and marmite, then a piece of matzo with salmon and cream cheese, then some matzo with cheese, then some matzo and butter and marmite and finally a piece of egg matzo with benocol and marmite, as I was now beginning to fear for my heart.

Then I went to sleep until 6.45.

My favourite part of the seder was the Marror, the bitter herb. We use freshly grated horseraddish. I always ask Dad for a really big Marror sandwich every year, and do loads of macho posturing before I eat it. Every year the whole table (which this year included all the family + Jason and Paul and Uncle Bernard) laughs when Dad loads up the Marror, and I pretend that it is nothing to me. In fact, I think it is nothing at all while I am waiting to eat it.

After the blessing I ate the Marror and every time I chewed I thought my brain was going to erupt through my nose. It was a very funny feeling and I laughed a lot. My family all laughed at me too. I suppose it is funny to watch a 33 year old man convulsing involuntarily, with snot and tears running down his face, especially when that man has been childishly bigging it up for about 5 minutes beforehand.

Ela was given a trampette for her birthday this year by someone who remembered to give her a present. I thought that it would be a very good idea to try it out after a supper of lots of matzo, chicken soup with matzo balls, roast chicken, roasted vegetables and stuffing, fruit salad and a wet nut, dried fruit and cocoa fridge cake.

The family all gathered around to watch me as I started jumping. Jason said something about how it would get a bit boring after 10 minutes, so I determined to jump up and down on it for 10 minutes to demonstrate how much fun it could be.

The family began to take the piss out of me as I jumped up and down. At one point they encouraged me to do different movements so I tried some alarming disco moves. Ela caught Uncle Bernard looking genuinely aghast at this point which was hilarious, and once again I found myself hysterically laughing, with a stitch and 7 more minutes of jumping to go.

At 9 minutes Ela said "Wait 'till you get off," and I realised that it was going to be horrible, like the first time you get off a treadmill. This started me laughing uncontrollably again. Eventually I summoned up the courage to stop and I got onto the very, very hard floor. I tried to jump on the floor, but I felt like I was going to collapse.

I feel sick now just thinking about all the food and jumping and the marror experience. Typing it up has made me go a little dizzy, sweaty and nauseous.


Anonymous said...

Do you like matzo?

In respect of the trampette, I thought you had learnt your lesson when you nearly killed yourself on that bouncy castle

Anonymous said...

matzo matzo matzo. i think it should be illegal. i have resolved also to give the stuff a rest.
had porridge this morning instead of the evil stuff and i suppose now am going to hell.
never mind.

Anonymous said...

forgot to mention - that giant piece of horseradish you have on the post i thought was a giant poo. Took me a while to figure it all out.

A Number