They still didn't bloody eat it.

50p prize for best suggestion.

Hey Ho

Blue

If you look in the reflection you can see a traffic warden walking his dog.

Whoops.

Here comes the...

Healthy Meal.

I am going to lead the school in their healthy eating initiative, but I was woken up last night worrying about it. It is great that Jamie is saving our children, and he has done a good job.

However, at about the same time the government stopped us from serving home cooked food to kids they started giving us processed maths lessons and literacy strategies to teach with. Now, every year group except year 3, has 32 weeks of lesson plans written out on a daily basis for us to recite.

Reheat, serve - Jamie's not gonna come and save our classrooms from processed teaching though. Who will be our celebrity saviour allowing us to deliver a curriculum of substance and quality to the children? Their educational experience is presently as anaemic and bland as this piece of shit above, and is dictated to us en masse. What an almighty crock. Parents up in arms about the quality of their children's food whilst the quality of the lessons goes unchecked and down the toilet as we get kicked around and told what to do by those who insist that they know best.

We will never stand up for ourselves. We are lost little sheep bleating in the wind. Tony Blair must love Jamie Oliver. In the same kind of way that he must have loved Dr Kelly. Lets avoid any real blue skies and announce our huge cash spend for the kiddies tummies. It all ends up as shit.

Congrats to the fully clothed porn queen for her front page Londonistic styling.

Cinema

I've been to the cinema everyday for the last 3 days.

First I went to see Downfall. This was a cheerful movie about some guy in world war 2. Loads of the poor Nazis had feelings too and they shot themselves in the heads. Poor old Nazis. I really felt sorry for those poor old Nazi guys as they shot themselves in the heads and ate cyanide. Then I went out for a chinese buffet, but buffet was closed so I got a doner. It was nice. The doner was nice. It was on a massive pitta with green chillis. I loved it but i felt stuffed and buffed by the end. Stuffed to death. I had a bad tummy in the night but I think this was trapped windy pops.



Then I went to see Pooh's Heffalump Adventure with my daughter and her cousin and my brother in law. It was an absolute load of dogshit. It was Elly's first ever time at the cinema though, so consequently it was a memorable experience. We walked into the cinema during a Wallace and Grommit advert, and she was totally awed by the massiveness of the screen and the volume of it. She couldn't take her eyes off it, but she seemed disturbed that there was no sign of Pooh.

We walked up and sat down and I explained 20 times that Pooh would be coming a bit later. The lights went all the way down and Elly said "oooh". Then the card that says the certificate and the name of the film came up and she laughed and said "Winnie the Pooh is coming". Then the Disney logo painted itself across the screen and she cooed in appreciation. The film began with a pan across hundred acre wood, and Elly said "Winnie the Pooh coming" a few more times. Finally we flew into Pooh's tree house, panned up the bed and came to rest on Pooh.

Elly sighed as if all her dreams had come true.

Pooh was then woken by a heffalump's call, and he fell out of bed into the honey pot. Elly cried, and cried for a good 50% of the film after that. The music was too scary, she wanted her Mummy too like the lost heffalump.

She liked the film overall though and has claimed on a daily basis that she is going back to the cinema again tomorrow to see Winnie the Pooh. She'll be lucky. It cost me £9 for one measly hour of sleep.



This was good and it made me cry. It is unoriginal, following the charismatic teacher model down to the unjust sacking and uplifting leaving sequence, and it has a really poor uplifting segue when the teacher is working his charismatic magic, but the photography is excellent and it's subtitled so when you are watching it in a cinema full of screaming babies it's easy to keep with the thread.



This is a brilliant and inspiring book. As a result of it I have started reading Bruce Chatwin. How? Because I have become so fucking eco maniacal that I have found myself reading nothing but organic hemp based books and leaflets and magazines. Yesterday I spent the afternoon at the rubbish dump where I found a butler sink for £10. I thought I'd bring it home and plant coriander in it and was really smug with my eco friendly recycling reusing ways. I paid my tenner, loaded it up on a trolley, dropped it, watched it smash clean in two, cut my finger on it, got enamel in my finger, walked bleeding around Tesco 'till I found a plaster, brought some organic apples, bit into one to find it tasted like water and generally thought to myself that it was time to be less intense about my organic recycled lifestyle.



So now I am reading Songlines. It's good isn't it? Suprised that it's simple to read. I thought it would be heavy and hard.

Milky Manchester

Just got back from Manchester where we all had a good time. Will show you all some more pictures tomorrow, but this had to go on straight away. It is big - 3.5 mb, but it is beautiful.

2

My site tracker says 2. Flippin' 2.

Whoops

Bernard Matthews = Illuminati?

Outside the nursery

Mr D. Trent

I just done a piss

I love non contact time

Another dispatch from the urban frontline...

Urbanist

Service Station

I want one of these...

but polly says no.

This week's food

Monday Lunch: Bean and Cabbage Soup



Monday Supper: Salmon, Pasta and Courgette with lemon and olive oil



Tuesday Lunch: Bean and Pasta Salad



Tuesday Supper: Vegetable Chilli with Brown Rice and Sprouting Purple Broccoli

Wednesday Lunch: As Tuesday Supper



Wednesday Supper: Miso Fish Soup

Thursday Lunch: As Wednesday Supper



Thursday Supper: Vegetable Paella

Friday Lunch: As Thursday Supper



Sunday Lunch: Chicken and Tomato Pasta + Green Beans



Sunday Supper: Lentil and Spinach Bake

Fish Fingers

ingredients: Cod (64%), Wheat Flour, Yeast, Salt, Spice, Colours, Paprika Extract, Curcumin, Water, Potato Starch, Wheat Starch, Salt, Mustard Powder, Pepper Extract, Vegetable Oil



ingredients: Salmon, Organic Egg, Bread, Olive Oil

method:

cook salmon in microwave for 2 mins.

remove skin from salmon.

cut into fingers.

break egg into bowl and beat it.

put a piece of organic homemade bread (smug) in coffee grinder. push button for 20 seconds, turn breadcrumbs onto plate.

dip salmon in egg then bread.

fry in olive oil for 5 mins.

serve to child.

watch child reject it.

child prefers "real" fish fingers.

Sadly, salmon was farmed, but waitrose farmed, and waitrose reckon their farmed stuff is nice and ethical.

Bread was not organic and homemade, it is cheap, motorway service station bread, so this product probably contains just as many chemicals and e numbers as the processed one, but I MADE IT and it was fun and felt like one in the eye for "them" and "their reigime". Is this the form my midlife crisis is to take?

That's my number

Fruit

I have eaten loads and loads of fruit today and drunk loads of nettle tea.



I am listening to With The Lights Out by Nirvana. It is good. I like to hear them play the song called "smells like a teen spirit"



I ran the reading half marathon on Sunday. It was good. It was nice. I ran this nice good run in one hour and forty two minutes. My thighs still hurt. I think I'll go and take some pictures before I pick Elly up tonight, as I seem to have finished all my work for today.



Today at work nothing interesting happened. I have to suck shit all the time because I have been told off for not taking my job seriously enough. At the age of 33 I am still being called into the headmaster's office for a telling off. I am acting uber professional now in response and it's boring as shit, but i get the job done efficiently and perhaps that's all that's really important. 8 'till 5 then home and forget all about it. It's nice. It's good. Yes. Hmmm. Can I eat some poo?

snack

breakfast