We're all having a lovely laugh.
"Daddy, we have to take a drink into school."
"What?"
"We have to take a drink into school. For the summer fete."
"What kind of drink? Do you have to take alcohol or normal drinks?"
"I don't know."
"O.K, I'll ask Mrs Winston." I say. It wouldn't do to take in a drink of barley water if everyone else was bringing in a bottle of wine. The shame of it would be too apalling, and the last thing I want is to feel embarrassed, ever.
"Hello Mrs Winston,"
"Hello Elly's Dad."
"Hello Mrs Winston's parent helper,"
"Hello Elly's Dad."
"Now, Mrs Winston, this summer fete, Elly tells me that you need a bottle of drink, but we're very worried about the contents of said bottle."
"Oh, don't worry, it can be anything."
"Anything?" I ask.
"Absoutely anything as long as it's liquid" says Mrs Winston, laughing a little.
"Absoutely anything as long as it's liquid?" I ask, incredulously. This is too good a setup to waste.
Mrs Winston laughs properly.
Mrs Winston's parent helper laughs too.
This is great. We're all having a lovely laugh.
"That's great. I've got a lovely big bottle of Rohypnol at home. I'll bring that in shall I?"
The laughter stops. Instantly.
"Ok. Thanks a lot. Say thank-you Mick," I say and leave the classroom.
When was the last time you had a nice glass of barley water?
4 comments:
i had to google Rohypnol. Are you sure she knew what you were talking about. That's nice you have a bottle of it at home.
I haven't really got a bottle of it at home. It was merely a joke. A silly little harmless joke. About date rape drugs.
Oh lord that sounds like the time when someone at work brought their newborn baby into work and was passing it around whilst we all stood in the canteen (self-consciously) and watched. When someone passed it to the chef in the canteen I shouted out: "No don't give to him he'll put it in a pie!" No laughs. I then picked up a knife (from the cutlery tray in the canteen) and pretended to trip over as I approached the person now holding the baby. No laughs - just worried looks. I suppose I was trying, in my own silly way, to make the point that a)this is a slightly embarrassing and unnatural set of behaviours to be doing with colleagues in the workplace and b) a staff canteen was no place for a baby.
Babies are like a rule black hole.
All normal rules go out the window, you just hold it in your arms and say "But it's a baby." and you ultimately hold the moral / ethical high ground.
For example "Sorry officer, I am over the limit, but look, it's a baby."
"Drive on sir."
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