Tuesday, January 30, 2007


Mick has finished his tea. He is stuck in his highchair and is veering from side to side shouting “KAY KAY KAY KAY KAY KAY KAY” and doing his best impression of someone having a brain haemmorrage.

“What is it Mick?” says Polly.

I am getting cross. I am trying to read the paper.


“Do you want a piece of cake Mick?” says Polly, walking towards him with the blue cake tin that houses the remains of his second birthday cake.

“KAY KAY KAY KAY KAY KAY KAY,” Mick is punching the air, shaking his head, gurning and crying his eyes out. Polly starts to walk away with the cake tin.

“Polly, open the tin and show him the cake, I think he wants a piece,” I say.

Polly opens the tin. Mick continues screaming but opens his eyes and sees the cake halfway through a “KAY”. He stops dead, beams with total satisfaction, points at the cake, looks proudly at Polly, then to me, then to Elly, then back to Polly and says with a happy lilt


Polly takes the cake over to the side to cut a piece from it and Mick instantly roars into another tantrum.

“Right, that’s it, I’m taking him up to bed,” I say.

I tuck Mick under my arm and he cries “KAY” over and over again all the way up the stairs, into his bedroom, whilst I take his clothes off, his nappy off.

At some point everything becomes unbearable and the only way I can think of getting through this is by timing him to see how long it actually takes for him to stop screaming “KAY”.

It takes 1 minute 55 seconds. That’s as long as Tame by the Pixies.

Ironically, if you listen to Tame by the Pixies from 1.43 onwards, that’s the noise Mick was making.

Maybe nowadays Frank Black can have cake whenever he wishes.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

yeah. i think he ate quite a lot of cake.

read lunar park. bret easton ellis has the best life. i can't work out if he was being serious about writing a book called 'teenage pussy' or not. i bust out laughing on the tube reading his description of the outline he was submitting to to his publishers. next to me was a ridiculously cute italian boy who was getting on my nerves with his perfect italian cuteness. then he took off his hat and his mother glanced down with sadness and he was a chemo kid. so now chemo kid was ruining my special time with bret easton ellis. it sucked.

i had an 'group seminar' interview at apple computers today, it was fucking awful. like the office on steroids. but i guess i can't really blog about it.

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