The King William IV, Heydon

Chishill Rd, Heydon, Royston, Hertfordshire, SG8 8PW



My parents had some american friends who came over to the UK to visit in 1977. They had a red thing in their bag called Merlin. They showed me how to play with Merlin. Merlin was the best thing I'd ever seen. He played tunes, most prominently a tune I'd never heard before that they told me was called Mary Had a Little Lamb. He also played noughts and crosses. He played another 4 games according to the computer magazine, but I don't remember them. I played with Merlin all day, and felt the future gently getting moist under my 6 year old fingers. Mum and Dad's friends left that evening and I missed them.

Mum and Dad had another american family who they were friends with. One evening as Mum tucked me into bed, she told me that they would be coming over to visit on my birthday and that they would be bringing me a present.

They brought me a brown jumper.

That, my friends, was my first big dissapointment. Being handed a SOFT parcel, when Merlin was HARD, HARD SHINY PLASTIC. I remember running off to my room and crying. Still, to this day, I experience massive present paranoia. This increases around birthday time, and is almost too much when a baby is born. A whole staff room scanning my face for a reaction on opening a packet of dungarees. This is the stuff of nightmares.

I went to eat at the pub above. It was also dissapointing. Don't go there unless you like chopped liver placed on a piece of toast which has been wiped around the inside of a deep fat frier. If you also like steak and kidney pudding which can't be cut with a steak knife, this is also a good place to go. Such good write ups, such shit food.